Friday, July 30

Isn't it enough?

Before I even knew what love from a man felt like, the love I had from my family and friends was more than enough for me. Beyond that, the love I had from my God was more than enough to fill my heart and make me feel beautiful. There was no way to be ungreatful for the love I had when I had never known any different. I keep saying that I wish I could go back in time, to much farther than April 5, 2010...I would go all the way back to Jr. High - before the first boyfriend...before that "drama" entered my life - why? Because it was so much more simple in those days...back when friends were the center of my world, my parents & siblings were all the embrace I needed, and God loving me was so perfect.

Since then maybe my heart has been beaten, bruised and has endured so much pain and of course now it just wants to be loved. But by chasing the love once familiar in an ex-boyfriend, or a boy who I thought liked me years ago...why isn't it enough to just embrace the love I once cherished so long ago before I even knew what it was like to be loved by a boy? Before my heart was ever introduced to relationship was fully satisfied by God's love.

If any of my family or friends are reading this...I'm so sorry. I've been selfish, and it is so clear to me now by the actions I've done the past 4 months that I'm trying to fill that hole with the wrong ways. I will never replace Ryan, and I will always remember what we shared because I know in my heart it was real to both of us. He loved me the best he could, and I loved him the best I could...but I will move forward. He left a hole in my heart that only GOD can fill. All this extra weight I've added to my life, the pain I willingly entered into for my selfishness of a temporary fix to the hole and it was so obvious the entire time. LET WHAT LOVE I DO HAVE BE ENOUGH TO FILL MY HEART!

Friends, family, loved ones...your love is enough! I'm blessed beyond words to have every last person in my life, and finally - THAT love is what matters now.


  1. You will find another man to will be a different kind....but the same kind....and you will be so happy. It will just take time. This doesn't mean you will forget Ryan. Your heart is big enough for love for everyone. LOVE YA

  2. Catching up on reading. I'm glad you recognized some ways you were trying to fill the void. You are moving along wonderfully. Not everything is fun to face or admit. But it can feel great to come to terms with it. ((HUGS))