Monday, February 14

On This 14th Day of February...

I woke up this morning 100% convinced that I was going to avoid Facebook, not turn on the TV, and absolutely not acknowledge this day as anything other than a regular Monday morning - just as cruel as the last beginning of the work week. 

Who was I kidding...I can't stay away from Facebook for a whole day, and I love watching TV when I get ready for work...oh, and not to mention: we were throwing a Valentine's Day potluck at work tonight!  No way was I getting out of seeing this day for what the idiots at Hallmark have made it to be.  Funny thing is though...I was only sad about today once, and now that I'm home in my favorite pj's, listening to my favorite music and about to throw on a zombie heart seems to feel much better about being here alone again on this day.  

A friend of mine at work today asked me why I hated to see this day as a holiday, so I thought about it for a minute...I've never had a fantastic Valentine's day.  In fact, crisis or heartbreak always seems to unfold on this day.  Last year I was dumped at 4 am, the year before I got in a fight with my boyfriend about stupid stuff (like we always did), the year before that I'm almost positive that my first love dumped me because of something petty...and the list goes on.  This year, I had my hopes a little up as I have been sort of seeing this guy, thought that maybe this would be the year things turn around. 
Well...they didn't.  I spent most of the night at work, and then he decided to stay home and hang out with his roommates tonight instead of watch a movie with me.  On my drive home I thought about how I felt about the day...I waited to see if my emotions would bring tears to my eyes, but to my surprise...not a single tear.  Today I cleaned my house...nothing exciting, but I feel great about my beautiful home.  Then I got flowers from my dad with a note saying "Happy Valentine's day from someone who loves you."  I went to work and laughed  harder than I've laughed in months with my incredible new friends there...and just because the guy I like didn't want to spend the rest of the holiday with me, I feel fantastic.  I am my own Valentine this year, and every year until God decides its time for me to meet the right man.  

I hope that all my readers had a beautiful day no matter what your circumstance, and not only because it was Valentine's Day...because we all deserve to be reminded of how loved we are 365 days of the year, not just today.  

All my love,

Arianne Elizabeth

Tuesday, February 8

Is It Crazy to Believe...?

Is it crazy to believe...
     ...that a man might like me for no other reason that I am me?

Is it so absurd of a thought...
     ...that my brokenness motivates me to continue working for me?

Is it absolutely out of the question...
     ...that I might have learned a thing or two in the past year? 

Is it terribly wrong... trust me when I say I'm doing okay?

Would it be far too much to ask...
     ...that my ability to stand on my own be respected and acknowledged?

Dear World,
If I could say just one thing loud enough, one phrase to make it across the many miles needed to be would be that I am doing okay.  I feel my feet beneath me moving in directions with more hope and courage than they've seen in a while.  There is no doubt my heart still feels sadness when it remembers Ryan Barber, but somehow I believe I've made it to a point where I can promise you this...I know I will be something great.  Still driven to find beautiful things, and desiring for nothing but love in myself.  I'm choosing to adore myself and everything about the crazy tragic beautiful life I've led thus far.  
I'm going to fall sometimes, I'm going to act like a child at other times, sometimes I may even make mistakes...but the difference between who many of you think I am, and the woman I've that I'm fully confident in my ability to pick myself up off the ground, dust the dirt off and continue walking with my head held tall.  No matter what happens with school, with the man that I like, with this new job --- I can take whatever it all throws at me.  If there is something I learned in the past year it is that this life is precious, we only get one shot to become something great.  No longer will I waste any of my life worrying about things I cannot change, I will spend it doing all I can to better myself and the path laid out before me.  I don't want to spend another second running away from life by pushing people away, or selling myself short in believing I can't do something -- life is here in front of me, happening as I write this, and it comes down to one simple point:  make it worth while, and when God calls you'll know you did everything you could to leave a legacy here.  
All my love,

Arianne Elizabeth