Today I woke up sad. It's been three years today since God decided to take my Daddy home, and this year being as rough as it has been...I couldn't bring myself out of the slump alone. A good friend of mine told me last night "This has been a rough year, no one expects you to be tough tomorrow...just call if you need me to come kidnap you :)" I tried to tell myself it was just another day, just another March 14th, but this wasn't the anniversary of a break-up, or of a pet running away...this is the day I lost my Daddy.
I didn't even try to do it alone, I went to my grandma's house and just cried on her couch until I'd said all I needed to say. It hurt knowing that another year has passed without him, and at the same time it hurt knowing that last year, Ryan went above and beyond the role of boyfriend to try and pull me out of my slump. He made me get dressed, walked me downstairs to the car and put my camera in my hands. I was content sitting around in bed all day, and he knew that wasn't going to be healthy for me.
The night Ry passed away, the police asked me what I wanted from the apartment...they said it would be a few days before anyone was allowed back there, so I needed to tell them then what was important. I only asked for one thing... the long silver chain with the heart on the end that held the last tangible piece of my daddy. There are certain moments in my life since he's passed I wanted nothing more than to just call him and tell him about my day...I wish I could have called and cried to him when I lost Ryan, the day I got myself back into college, the day I signed my first lease on my own...and someday - the day I've met the one I know I'm going to marry, the day I get my degree and land the job I've always been dreaming of, the day I find out my soulmate and I are expecting a child... so many life changing milestones that I wish I could share with him, but I know he's listening. I know he can see everything I've done to overcome the obstacles life presents, and not only that...but I know God didn't leave me alone here.
Before Daddy passed away, he talked to all of us alone...he knew his time was short, and he needed to cram years of wisdom into a few hours. One conversation in particular I learned about later, involved both of my dads. Daddy told Dad that God couldn't have picked a better man to continue raising his girls. He was right, God blessed me with an incredible family...and my Dad is such a fantastic man. I'm a lucky girl to be so loved by the men that matter in my life.
So today...It's been three years since I lost him, but the tears went away easier this year and the smiles from remembering his laughter, his jokes, his incredible personality -- all came easily. One thing that helped me get there? On my way home from Grandma's today... I saw a father and a son, his son was learning how to ride his bike and as I drove by I could see the smile lit up across both their faces as a lifetime memory would be made. I was blessed with 17 years of beautiful smiles and laughter, I wish I'd had more no doubt...but I'm so glad to have gotten what I did.
Always in my heart Daddy...