...that a man might like me for no other reason that I am me?
Is it so absurd of a thought...
...that my brokenness motivates me to continue working for me?
Is it absolutely out of the question...
...that I might have learned a thing or two in the past year?
Is it terribly wrong...
...to trust me when I say I'm doing okay?
Would it be far too much to ask...
...that my ability to stand on my own be respected and acknowledged?
If I could say just one thing loud enough, one phrase to make it across the many miles needed to be heard...it would be that I am doing okay. I feel my feet beneath me moving in directions with more hope and courage than they've seen in a while. There is no doubt my heart still feels sadness when it remembers Ryan Barber, but somehow I believe I've made it to a point where I can promise you this...I know I will be something great. Still driven to find beautiful things, and desiring for nothing but love in myself. I'm choosing to adore myself and everything about the crazy tragic beautiful life I've led thus far.
I'm going to fall sometimes, I'm going to act like a child at other times, sometimes I may even make mistakes...but the difference between who many of you think I am, and the woman I've become...is that I'm fully confident in my ability to pick myself up off the ground, dust the dirt off and continue walking with my head held tall. No matter what happens with school, with the man that I like, with this new job --- I can take whatever it all throws at me. If there is something I learned in the past year it is that this life is precious, we only get one shot to become something great. No longer will I waste any of my life worrying about things I cannot change, I will spend it doing all I can to better myself and the path laid out before me. I don't want to spend another second running away from life by pushing people away, or selling myself short in believing I can't do something -- life is here in front of me, happening as I write this, and it comes down to one simple point: make it worth while, and when God calls you home...you'll know you did everything you could to leave a legacy here.
All my love,