I've grown a lot since the age I was told fairytales to fall asleep, and many of them I couldn't recall if you paid me...but I remember I got to hear them, and when I grew up I wanted to be a princess. When I woke up this morning, I had words to an unwritten song bouncing in my head. Intimidated by them, I ignored them and decided "If I still remember them after I get ready & finish what I need to do today, it was meant to be and I will write." I have two complete songs written, and surprise surprise - each of them about boys. The first one talks about how my ex from Yuma would be sorry he let me walk, the newest one just recently finished is my song to Ryan about how much pain my heart feels, and accepting that he is with God now. The song bouncing around in my head has to do with fairytales, and princesses...I don't know if my daddy ever told me this, or if it is something he is telling me now somehow but I believe you can be a princess at any age...and here-today-when I grow up, I want to be a princess again.
Princesses have respect, beauty, genuine kindness, love...so many amazing things. The best part though, is that princesses get to be in love with Prince Charming! He is no ordinary man, he's something special...he doesn't lie, or cheat, or manipulate her heart with promises and rules. Prince Charming is genuine, full of kindness and beauty, just like her. He fights for her love, and doesn't give up until she takes her last breath.
Maybe Disney knew more about the beauty of love than we give them credit for. In all the princess movies there is a bad guy, trying to manipulate the princess, hurt her in any way they can...and then - a knight in shining armor appears. He never pressures her, never makes her feel guilty...he simply says "I love you..." and means it to the very bottom of his soul.
At this time in my life, I have learned the wrong version of love. My heart still beats, but it is bruised with the pain of several men over the past 5 years. A lifetime of giving everything & being used in return has led me to where I am now. I'm no longer looking for my prince, God will place him right in front of me when the time is right. Until then? I do not want a man. I don't feel guilty and like I'm betraying Ryan's memory, he just was the last heartbreak I could take before I finally quit.
Someday I pray my eyes will be opened to the wonder of true love...I pray that I will meet someone who will be gentle and patient with me, and allow me to re-learn slowly the true virtues of love. Maybe someday my bad stigma about life & love will be lifted and I will no longer resent the mere thought of commitment. I pray that Prince Charming will rescue me from the world of craziness and offer to walk through it with me, side by side, with love deserving praise.
Someday when he finds me, I hope I have a little girl...a daughter, so I can tell her my ideas of love, her Prince Charming, and remind her even when she's 19 that she can be a princess at any age if she just believes.