This weekend was what I would call our second annual "everyone has a birthday in June, so let's celebrate" camping trip. It is starting to also be a tradition to find the crapiest weekend on the calendar and end up at the lake then -- but none the less, we cope just fine.
One day while everyone else was paying to take showers and avoid the freezing rain we were being slapped with, I had to take a moment alone to try to find my childhood. I sat on the old swingset & let the wind whip my hair in my face. I started to swing as high as I could go and let my head fall back just enough to feel the one ray of sunlight peeking through the clouds.
The thoughts in my head were trying to figure out the wave of sadness that had just hit me. I remembered the plans Ryan and I made for this summer. He didn't think I could do a camping trip and make it & I was determined to show him I could. I'm sure he's in heaven laughing now because I don't REALLY camp...I stay in the CAMPer instead of a tent & eat food made from the stove, not a campfire....but I would have roughed it out in the wilderness with him just to win a bet against him.
To pull me out of this sadness, my little sister sat next to me and just let me ramble on about how I know he still watches over me, how I know him and daddy probably laugh together about my "awful taste in music" and "how could she really not know Pink Floyd or The Rolling Stones!?" She let me talk about how much I still love him & she reminded me it is okay to love him. We discussed how completely okay it is to be perfectly fine being alone - and how having Zeaka will make my new life in Denver easier to take because she's so loving.
Then - the best part. I went back to the camper and rejoined my family, and I laughed with them. I was so incredibly bummed we didn't get to spend more than 3 hours out on the beach, and I spent a mere 15 minutes in the water - and just long enough to bruise almost my entire left thigh! But this summer, our second annual "everyone has a birthday in June, so let's celebrate" camping trip - I didn't let my sadness consume the trip & I let myself be myself around my amazing family.
I'd say this is a step in the right direction.
<3 love you Ry & Daddy.