i am.

I am strong in myself,

but lonely without him.


I am surviving & moving forward,

yet still am repulsed by the mere sight of a couple in love.


I am back to where I started,

with a new sense of life & a very skewed sense of death.


I am proud of what I did for him,

but shattered to finally let the truth in.


I am positive I tried my hardest,

but still sad it wasn't enough.


I am sure this will make me a stronger woman,

but sometimes can't fight the urge to crawl up and sob like a child.


I am blessed with what I have left,

but miss them both more than they will ever know.


I am crying less,

but tears hurt so much more when they do show now.


I am feeling things inside me heal,

but more than ever I am terrifed of feeling hurt for losing him.


I am sure I was his for seven months,

but I'm not so sure he was happy it was me & not her.


I am drowning in so much,

and praying for my savior to save me.


I am stronger and better,

but please don't mistake I am dealing with more than his death.


I am praying he's happy in heaven,

as I realize now that he wasn't as happy as I thought I could make him.


I am sad I wasn't the one,

isn't it okay still to be hurt that he's gone and that he didn't really want a life with me?


I am trying the best I possibly can,

that I promise.