Monday, June 21

i am.

I am strong in myself,

but lonely without him.

I am surviving & moving forward,

yet still am repulsed by the mere sight of a couple in love.

I am back to where I started,

with a new sense of life & a very skewed sense of death.

I am proud of what I did for him,

but shattered to finally let the truth in.

I am positive I tried my hardest,

but still sad it wasn't enough.

I am sure this will make me a stronger woman,

but sometimes can't fight the urge to crawl up and sob like a child.

I am blessed with what I have left,

but miss them both more than they will ever know.

I am crying less,

but tears hurt so much more when they do show now.

I am feeling things inside me heal,

but more than ever I am terrifed of feeling hurt for losing him.

I am sure I was his for seven months,

but I'm not so sure he was happy it was me & not her.

I am drowning in so much,

and praying for my savior to save me.

I am stronger and better,

but please don't mistake I am dealing with more than his death.

I am praying he's happy in heaven,

as I realize now that he wasn't as happy as I thought I could make him.

I am sad I wasn't the one,

isn't it okay still to be hurt that he's gone and that he didn't really want a life with me?

I am trying the best I possibly can,

that I promise.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful, truthful, heartfelt. Love you so sorry for your loss, for our loss. I am battling how I will convince Lis that he didn't choose this because his love for her wasn't enough. Remember he left her and you know his love for her was huge. His brokenness does not define his love. Please believe that.