It was my 7th grade year when I first turned to a knife to find my way out of problems. Years later, and sadly several scars later, I decided to take my story and try to help other girls going through the same thing.
Sharing my story with Ryan was hard, but I loved him and he had shared some of his dark stories with me. Terrified, I spilled my heart out and waited for the response...I was sure he would walk away, most people did because cutting is so misunderstood. Instead, he held me. We accepted each other for everything, and pasts didn't matter because we had each other now.
April 5 is a night that haunts my mind still. Most days I find it impossible to believe, and some days I find myself clutching to my necklace wrapped in the blanket we shared just crying. I found his cologne out of all the boxes, and sometimes I smell it and close my eyes to remember him. It's not easy. Being 19 and losing your best friend, soul mate, and future all in one tragic night - I pray no one else in the world would ever have to feel this pain. This pain has ran deeper than any pain I've felt, and in the first few days I found myself in the same darkness he felt when he left this world behind. However, with the love and support of my family, friends, and new friends of Ryan's - in today's blog I would like to proudly say I have not cut. Never once did it cross my mind, and the amount of love I feel coming to me from every direction of my life - I know in my heart that I will not need to.
A sweet girl I hold very close to my heart asked me today "Will I ever stop cutting?" She inspired this blog today as I proudly told her that if I can go through what I have and have no desire to cut, I have no doubt in my mind she too will find peace within herself.
Tomorrow - back to the memories. Today I just had to share my pride because I know Ry would be proud of me too.
Love you Ryan Owen...