Wednesday, August 25

A Night of Renewal

I will start off by admitting something...when I found out Holton Buggs was coming to Colorado I was slightly bummed because I had already made the decision to quit doing Organo Gold. I decided I was going to keep drinking the coffee, stay qualified, and answer what questions my one team member had -- but no more working the plan for a while because it was heartbreaking to see all my friends ignore me so they wouldn't have to hear about coffee. So needless to say when a certain boy mentioned that he'd also be going to this huge event - I energeticly said "Mom!! We have to go!!" :)

Seeing my "OG Family" for the first time in about a month was so exciting, I hadn't even considered that they would be there to offer their hugs & support and to ask how things were going -- really I was just excited to see him. Then I started to remember how at home I felt when I was with these people...Katie had said something the night she started telling me about it "You go to an event and everyone there makes you feel so loved & welcome!" At that time in my life, that's what I wanted. A room full of strangers who didn't have a clue about what I had just gone through...I wanted that so badly so people would simply TALK to me! Before I went to my first OG event in Greeley, I hadn't realized just how many people avoided me after Ryan passed away because they just didn't know what to say.

Two of the people I've met in OG know what happened, maybe more depending if either has said anything, but they STILL treat me exactly the same as the day they first met me as that shy girl in the corner. I'm not "that girl who's boyfriend committed suicide" I am Arianne - "she joined a few months ago and has some great ideas!"

While at this event I think I made some pretty solid life decisions as well -- I will stay at home, work on school online for this semester and next, then I am moving back to Greeley. I never thought the day would come that I'd even be able to look at Greeley the same, but then I started to open my eyes and realize what else that city was to me. It was MY start, and in that I happened to meet a man who 7 months later would take away my entire life with a split decision...and that used to be enough to keep me scared. Now - I've talked to so many friends who I wish I could just jump in my car and go see, but I can't...for now. So! New plan, and honestly - the best sounding one since I've been home: Work my butt off at both jobs, continue with Organo Gold when I can, kick some serious ass in school, save money, and eventually (whenever the time is right & God is willing) move back to Greeley to be a student at Aims Community College again & eventually UNC for my bachellors degree. Because even though the first few months my heart broke when I'd drive past my old house, Pitchers or even the place Ryan still felt like home. Just like it did even on the lonliest nights last summer - Greeley feels safe, comforting, and welcoming.

Tonight was an amazing night...and well - I'm falling asleep smiling :)

<3 ari.

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