I had the most wonderful convorsation with an amazing friend a few weeks back, and he was just glowing with pride as he told me and my best girl friend that God is proud of us, he loves us unconditionally and always will. He told us that God thinks we are beautiful - even on a bad hair day....God is begging you to love him the way we love eartlhy things.
Of course the conversation turned deeper than just casual talk, my best friend was going through some rough stuff with another mutual friend, and the three of us sat outside Dairy Queen and talked, cried, laughed, and talked about God and his wonders for almost 2 1/2 hours. My guy friend seemed to know a lot about God and there was one question I hadn't asked out loud yet...so I looked at my feet and said it..."Um...do you think Ryan went to Heaven?" As soon as I said it, it was like a flood of tears opened up and I felt safe as my best friend pulled me in close and my other friend sat down and began talking to me about what he thought in the most comforting voice.
He said, "Look...from what you've told me, Ryan had a good heart - he did the best he could here on this earth and you told me yourself you shared God's love with him...I can't tell you yes or no, but I can tell you that you can talk to God about it." I was utterly confused and he went on to say "Why can't you still pray for him? Ask God to protect his soul and take him into Heaven so you can see him again someday."
That night he opened my eyes to a fact that I'd been ignoring. Yes - I can pray for Ryan, I can still pray for my daddy and others that I've lost...but goodness there is SO much MORE I can pray for! This sounds so silly, but I guess I haven't really had the closest relationship with God because I never really talked to him. A few days before he passed away, Ry & I had a talk about God...we were watching The Cleaner and he said he loved how that man lived his life with God...he told me "Yeah babe, I talk to God...I don't really believe in the praying thing, I'd much rather just talk." "That's perfect babe, that's all he really wants..." I replied.
After that night at DQ, I started praying - FINALLY. I'm trying to be patient (yet another one of the things I'm praying for) and waiting for his answers - especially when it comes to my life in the next month & important decisions I need to make. When all of it is revealed to me - I can't wait to be awed by the amazingness of it.