This Time Last Year

The stages of grief are never easy, and each one brings its own challenges with it.  Maybe its not considered a stage, but when daddy passed away - the whole first year without him I found myself constantly thinking "this time last year...daddy was with us."  Its a mental game played in my mind, and quite obviously it doesn't bring much comfort, instead as each day moves on that you realize this is the first March 15th daddy isn't with us, or the first April 6th Ryan isn't with us, it is painful to realize.  


Having only been in Ryan's short life a mere seven months, I only got to see him from September 2009 to the first few days of April 2010...I thought as the day of what would have been our 1 year anniversary approached I'd keep my head like I'd had for two months now, but it has been more of a challenge than I thought.  Today last year was the second day I knew Ryan Owen, we'd met the day before and had an instant attraction to one another.  He'd been asking me out since the moment he met me, and this day was no different.  That night I still hadn't caved yet, but we hung out anyway because it was just amazing to me that a man would spend so much time trying to get a girl like me to be his.  


September 16, 2009 I finally made it official...he asked all morning until I finally said okay.  I often asked him in later months if he remembered what day our anniversary was, and I always had to remind him -- but that was okay with me because I was very OCD with dates, so it made sense that it was glued in my mind.  We spent our 6 month anniversary moving into our first home, it was two days after the two year mark of losing my dad.  That day Ry made lunch, and we went for a walk by our favorite little creek by the apartment to explore.  


Although I'm very happy to be moving back to Greeley, that small sting will still follow me as I'm about to live what would have been the beginning of our second year together.  Days like my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, etc...last year were spent with him.  My birthday - he threw me a big party, made my favorite dinner and we had a candle lit dinner before the guests showed up.  Halloween was spent at his friends house, and we snuck off for a few hours to watch a scary movie with Stan because Ry was so bummed he was spending the holiday alone.  Thanksgiving was a great day - my family, Ryan and I all participated in our first "Turkey Trot."  Ryan ran the whole thing with my young cousin, and hung out with him while the rest of us slowly walked our way into the finish line.  


Although there were bad moments between Ryan and I, there were also so many great ones to remember.  I can't change the situation either way - so why not remember the great things we did together and let those be the memory I have of him.  I accept the things I cannot change, and move forward with the best thoughts to help me continue surviving.  


This time last year I was about to embark on one of the most wild and life changing journies this life would lead me on so far.  I met a troubled man who's broken heart had me drawn to him from the moment I saw him, and I would spend the next 7 months of my life & the last 7 months of his, loving him with every ounce of being I had.  This time last year is when I let myself fall for Ryan.