Wednesday, February 27

Cranky Baby

I knew when we agreed to come travel with Rudy, it wasn't going to be anywhere near easy.  Between the constant packing/moving, new hotels every 3-4 weeks, and being away from family - it takes a lot of strength to be out on this adventure.  Not only that, but going from being a working mom back to a stay at home mom is a huge adjustment for me.  The last time I was a stay at home mom, Deidrick was so small & very dependent on me.  He spent most of his days napping, which made it easy for me to get the house cleaned, or work on homework... He didn't fight sleep as hard as he does now, in fact he seemed to enjoy it as much as I do!  Being so small, just holding him and letting him look at my facial expressions was enough entertainment for him.

Now here we are, mama is used to getting ready for work everyday and Deidrick is used to a routine where he did go see someone else for a few hours a day.  Any kind of adjustment is hard for him, I'm sure... he has no idea why we are here, what we are doing... he just depends on us to take care of him.  I am trying my best to keep things as similar to home as I can - but there's only so much I can do.  His pack-n-play is set up just like his big crib at home was, I try to adhere to his daily routine as much as possible - but it is probably confusing to him that we do everything in the same room now.

Nap times are becoming especially hard... he gets so cranky (and so quick) that he screams until he wears himself out and finally gives into sleep.  Not only is it stressful to me because I feel so helpless in what else I could possibly do when I know he needs sleep -- but I am terrified that someday a neighboring room will complain & we will have to leave the hotel.  I say that statement, almost holding my tongue, as I feel guilty about it.  I used to be one of those people who would probably get upset about a screaming baby all hours of the day and night.  Now, being the frazzled mom holding that screaming child three rooms down the hall, I feel all sorts of emotions.  Guilty for putting people through that, then even more guilty for caring about what they think when I truly am doing the best I can down here.  I think this is all coming from my deep sense of need to please people... it is an AWFUL thing.

On a previous note, I'm running out of ideas to entertain little man all day.  He's so smart and seems eager to learn - but I haven't got a single clue what to do to tap into that.  I worry the toys we have now are starting to bore him.  I've read that when traveling you should always rotate the toys out, but I sort of panicked the first night here and gave him everything all at once because I didn't know which one he wanted.  Not only is he getting bored, but he's also starting the phase where mama isn't the one he's looking for anymore.  He is most definitely a daddy's boy, and although we've been lucky enough to have Rudy home early the past few days.. that won't last forever.  Eventually the snow will clear, and he will be out working full days again - leaving D stuck with his boring old mom.

If I could ask for anything... it would be prayers.  Prayers and ideas! Although being a stay at home mom is incredibly rewarding, it is also draining & by no means an easy job.  It is times like this I REALLY wish someone would just write a manual for children!  Between the feeding fears I have & trying to keep a 7.5 month old entertained ALL day, I'm feeling SO lost!

Especially missing my amazing family and friends back home today... sending you our love!

The Sanchez family -- still in Kansas :)

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