Tuesday, October 5

If You Really Knew Me...

The show on Mtv has to be the most impactful reality idea they've ever come up with.  To watch people my age open up to each other and share their life stories with each other, and then accept each other instead of continue being so hateful.  

This show makes me think of my experiences in high school...and how much I wish this "Challenge Day" could have happened in Yuma.  I used to think that we didn't have a clique problem there - we had cool people and weird people (ignorant, I know).  Thinking back I realize now that there were so many awful things going on between the cliques that did exist.  I've learned many things about my classmates since graduation day that have brought more compassion to what their stories have written out to be.  

If I had the chance to tell my classmates the reality they thought they knew about me...this is what it would be like.

If you really knew me you'd know that from the age of 5 years old I fully believed my dad left because I was a bad daughter...freshman year my boyfriend shattered every last bit of hope I had that true love existed.  The text message that was sent around three schools about me...I cried for weeks knowing that so many people forwarded that in a heartbeat, and that three different schools were literally laughing at me, and only me...junior year I thought I'd found hope in love again, and maybe I did - but then my world came crashing down the day cancer stole my daddy from me.  Two years later, after struggling so hard to find my identity in all the wrong places - when I found Ryan after he took his life, for weeks I truly thought I'd never survive, and I wanted to be gone too.  

If you really knew me now though, you'd know that even though I am worried about money and working my tail off - that I am finally beginning to find myself.  You'd know that with each day I'm finding myself in a safer place than before, I have my heart in boundaries, and I believe that the lonliness won't last forever.  You'd know that I come from a long line of survivors - and I'm proud of my family and the woman I'm becoming.  

If you really knew me...you'd know that I'm about to begin the most exciting and rewarding journey of my life -- and I can't wait. 

All my love,



  1. Dear Heart...you just continue in this upward swing of your life....for YOU!!! Your life should be all about YOU! You will find someone to love you for YOU someday. You can do anything you want to do....but it is up to YOU to do it. You are taking your life back, going to school and working to afford it. I am just so proud of you!!! You will get there because you are your Daddy's girl! LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

  2. Lady, there is so much that has been taking place over the last few months. It's been great starting from November on back. Interested to see where the journey goes. Not everything we've ever done is worthy but He sure thinks we are worth it. And everyone has their story, like you've come to realize. ((HUGS))