Memories by the Campfire

Last night was the first night since Saturday that I slept in a real bed.  As amazing as it was, I still wouldn't mind trading it for the sleeping bag and tent that I spent the previous few nights in.  For the first time in my adult life I went camping with friends.  I seriously underestimated how much fun I would have when I got there.  At first I was awkward, not sure why I'd decided to do this -- I even picked a fight with the boy about something stupid.  However, the next morning I woke up refreshed, decided to stop acting like an idiot and just have fun with everyone like we were all hanging out at home.  As pathetic as it sounds, it was hard for me to go without makeup for fear of everyone seeing the "uncovered" me, I didn't want to wear my swimsuit at first, but most of all I was terrified to go down to the water.  I knew the rest of the group would just jump in and swim...but I would be afraid.  For as long as I can remember I've had this fear of not being able to see my feet in water... but I didn't want to share that with the group and look like a baby.  Tom knew, and I'd hoped that would be enough and that he'd just help without revealing me to the group.  Well he did just that - helped me onto my "raft" as we called them, and although was frustrated at first - when I reminded him about my fear he was understanding and did what he could to keep me calm.  By the end of the trip, I was begging everyone to go down to the water :). 

I came home with tons of bug bites, a pretty epic sunburn, the feeling accomplishment for facing my fear, and some amazing memories that will last a lifetime.  It made me really stop and think about how lucky I am to have such great people in my life.  On top of the whole trip though - the cherry: I got the job in the Alzheimer/Dementia unit that I wanted so badly!!!!! :D 

I'm a sunburnt but happy little camper tonight :)

Arianne

Confidence

 con·fi·dence  /ˈkɒnfɪdəns/ Show Spelled[kon-fi-duhns]

–noun

1.

full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed.

2.

belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him.

3.

certitude; assurance: He described the situation with such confidence that the audience believed him completely.

 

I thought about today's blog and had to reflect on my most amazing day.  You see, last night my blog mentioned a bit of a ding in my 'self acclaimed love life.'  Old me would have reacted almost hysterically (I've always had a flare for the dramatic) but something about my luck in the past few days, I decided quickly "you know what? I'm a woman making my way to the top - if he wants to be by my side for this, he's gotta appreciate what he's got."  So it was in that very moment I pulled my shoulders back, brought my chin up, and it came easier than I thought...a full smile, and the laughter to go with it.  The confidence to hold myself up no matter what came my way.  

 

This morning was a bit rough, I still hadn't heard from the boy, woke up late and found out Grandma was mowing part of the lawn when it was my job...just started out to be not so good.  Then my daring cousin asked me for help with something (nice to feel needed, especially by him).  Then - my phone rang.  I missed it, but when I looked at the number I saw a local number.  My heart jumped, and sure enough when I listened to the voicemail..."This is Cole from Advanced Home Health, you applied with us yesterday.  Just wanted to call and chat and also set up a time to meet with you......." Yup, that's right!  Two interviews this week for a health care job - finally!!  Not to mention later on, I got the call from Pearson Vue (the big shots who organize CNA testing) wanting to ask me a favor -- "Can we test you in Ft. Lupton on July 5th?" Could you ever!!! By then I'll be back to work, and waiting on my certificate to get myself a pay boost already for finally doing it.  

 

When I think of confidence, I always think of that little girl who proudly states "Someday Mommy, I will be a doctor!"  or the little boy who says "Daddy, I'm going to be Superman!!" Children don't see near the amount of negative that adults do...it's like, as we age we allow burdens to weigh us down and rob our self confidence everyday.  If we all thought a little more like kids - maybe life would be even more bearable...heck, might even come to enjoy it again! 

 

I completely underestimated how fantastically wonderful it feels to take care of yourself, have time to love yourself, spend time with your best friend, and keep the 'love life' separate from all of that when it needs to be.  It's like I have walked out of the salon doors from Life Makeover, Inc. with my head held high.  So let this be a lesson...to girls, women, even guys -- no matter what stage of life your in, no matter what you've gone through...seriously put some effort into loving yourself to fix things.  Taking care of someone else, or drowning yourself in whatever flavor of 'pain killer' is to your liking will not get you anywhere.  

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So tomorrow, dress yourself up, flip your hair in the wind, wrap a sheet around your neck and fly like Superman or Wonder Woman -- goodness just live it up!  Find your confidence and flaunt it, it will by far be the sexiest thing on you that day! 

 

Signing off for the night :) 

 

Arianne Elizabeth  

Courtship

 

court·ship  /ˈkɔrtʃɪp, ˈkoʊrt-/ Show Spelled[kawrt-ship, kohrt-]

–noun

1.

the wooing of one person by another.

2.

the period during which such wooing takes place.

3.

solicitation of favors, applause, etc.

 I used to believe that I was born in the wrong era. Teacher's told me I should've been an 80's child...what with stealing my mother's leggings and begging for a pair of converse to match them.  Later in life I came to learn that in the 2000 generation (Generation X, right?) chivalry has officially died...so I rethought era's.  Maybe I should have gone back to the fifties - back when women were cherished and adored.  Hopeless romantics were loud and proud!  Maybe even further back...to the time of Shakespeare, although most of his work ended in tragedy - it was a tragedy drenched with a love story. 

The photo I've posted above is one well known that might demonstrate my point a little bit.  The respect that men had for women... and yes, in every era you will have those jerks who don't appreciate them, that's God's way of keeping you on your toes.  But as the years go on, and the media dilutes our brain with "Slap that hoe" and "Shake your ass for me" the viewpoint may have changed....a lot.  

Truth is, from one hopeless romantic to the world - I can't help but wish that more people like me existed.  Ask me to dance under the moonlight, watch the stars at night, tell me I'm beautiful - even in my glasses with no make up, open my door for me...not much to ask for I'd say, but who knows. 

Regardless, I suppose when the time is right, it will happen.  It may or may not have been a tough pill to swallow tonight in my self acclaimed 'love life.'  I'll get over it, in fact I have a pretty epic friend to help me do so...that and some good music to help as well.  However, if any men read my blog...do a sap a favor - stick to your word.  Be honest, and whatever you do... do not string a girl along.  When she says she wants the truth, she truly does.  Trust me on this, it's so much easier to say it outright than for her to possibly find out another way...

So to the man whom I wish so much would sweep me off my feet just like the photograph above -- you know how I feel... try not to break my heart, would ya? 

For tonight,

Arianne Elizabeth